By Danielle Ashley, IVF Mom & Photographer
Today, October 15th, is Infant Loss Awareness Day—a day set aside to remember and honor the precious lives gone too soon. It’s a day that holds sacred space for the babies we dreamed of, carried, loved, and lost. As a mother who has walked through the heartbreak of failed embryo transfers, and as a photographer who has held space for grieving families, I want to speak openly, honestly, and from the heart.
My name is Danielle Ashley. I’m an IVF mom and the owner of Danielle Ashley Photography, where I have the honor of documenting some of life’s most sacred moments—joyful and sorrowful alike. Today, I share my story not just as a photographer, but as a mother who knows what it means to plan for a baby, only to experience devastating loss.
Our Story: When IVF Meets Grief
When my husband and I started IVF, it wasn’t because we had fertility issues—at least, that’s what I thought. We turned to IVF to prevent a severe genetic disorder. I believed we’d get pregnant easily.
But our journey to expand our family took an unexpected and painful turn.
We lost our third child after months of planning and prayer. I wasn’t prepared for the crushing grief that followed. And again, when we tried for our fifth child, we experienced another failed embryo transfer. The heartbreak of preparing for a baby—loving them from the very beginning—and then losing them before you ever get to hold them, is impossible to fully explain. But if you know, you know.
Every Baby Is Worth Remembering
Every embryo we created was deeply wanted. We gave them names. We dreamed about their futures. We picked out colors for their nursery and imagined what our family would look like with them in it. The grief after loss isn’t just about what we had, it’s about what we’ll never get to experience.
And yet, every single one of those babies is worth remembering.
It doesn’t matter how early the loss was. Life was there. Love was there. A mother’s heart was fully engaged. And when that life ends, a piece of that heart breaks.
Carried by God
In the middle of our deepest pain, I experienced something I had never felt so deeply before—the closeness of God.
There were moments after each loss where I didn’t know how I would stand up, breathe, or function. The grief was heavy. But in the silence, in the tears, I literally felt God hold me. His presence was undeniable. His peace—that peace that surpasses all understanding—carried me through the darkness.
Even when I didn’t have words to pray, I knew He was near. And I trusted Him, even with a shattered heart.
Each loss brought me closer to Him, not because I understood, but because I had no choice but to lean into His arms. He became my refuge, my strength, and my comforter in ways I never imagined I’d need. And He showed up through others too. Through the kindness and compassion of women He placed in my life at just the right time.
The Power of Community
In the aftermath of each loss, our community became our lifeline. Women surrounded us with prayer, words of comfort, and most tangibly—meal trains that sustained us when we didn’t have the strength to cook or even think about food.
I will never forget the prayers that covered our family in those early days. I will never forget the women who courageously came forward to share their own stories of loss. Their vulnerability helped me feel seen. Their honesty helped me realize I wasn’t alone.
And now, I share my story in hopes that you’ll know you’re not alone either.
Remembrance Photography: A Sacred Gift
One of the ways I honor babies gone too soon is through remembrance photography.
Remembrance photography allows us to say: “You were here. You were real. And you are loved.” For many families, it may be the only physical memory they have of their baby, and those photos become priceless treasures. A photograph doesn’t erase the grief, but it validates the life that was. It allows parents to hold something tangible. A snapshot of the love that will never fade.
Whether it’s a photo of a grieving mother holding her baby, or a symbolic image created after a miscarriage or failed transfer, these images matter. They tell the world: This baby existed. And they always will.
Finding Support in Loss
In our healing journey, we found strength not just in God and community, but in organizations that walk specifically with families through pregnancy and infant loss. I want to highlight a few that may bring hope to someone reading this:
1. Sufficient Grace Ministries
This beautiful ministry provides perinatal loss support, remembrance photography, and resources for grieving families. Their mission is full of compassion and rooted in faith.
2. Oasis of Hope Foundation
Offering emotional and spiritual support for women experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss, Oasis of Hope helps women process their grief in a safe and sacred space.
3. Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support
Share offers local and virtual support groups, memorial events, and resources for families. Their work connects grieving parents with others who truly understand.
A Light That Never Goes Out
Tonight at 7:00 PM, I will light a candle for our babies and for yours. The Wave of Light is a global remembrance event, where families all over the world light candles in memory of the little ones they’ve lost. Together, we create a wave of light that shines hope into the darkness.
If you’ve experienced loss, please know:
You are not alone.
Your baby is not forgotten.
Your grief is valid.
Your love endures.
To the Babies We Lost…
You were so loved.
You were planned for.
You were prayed for.
You are still ours.
And you always will be.
With love and remembrance,
Danielle Ashley
IVF Mom | Photographer | Storyteller
Danielle Ashley Photography
